dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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