so let's talk penis.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
