he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
