Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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