Banned from zoo.
Again?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
