my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
