Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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