My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
