Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
