Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
