We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
