why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
