Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
