boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
