The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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