my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
