The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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