I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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