It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
