I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
