My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
