First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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