i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
