If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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