Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
