My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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