I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's always time for handjobs
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
