Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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