I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
