If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
