Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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