well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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