wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
