oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
