Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
