Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am available for nakedness
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
