I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
