dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
