I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
