I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
