i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
