It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
