I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I want a musical about memes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
