why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She bit a glass in half.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
