No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
