I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
