get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
handjob tips. give me some.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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