Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
