how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
