I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
