I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Randomize
