Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
