how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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