I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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