I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
